I am puke
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The feeling are messing with the penis
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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