But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
