It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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