don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
