she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
