I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
