so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
