also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
