I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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