I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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