I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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