I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
