Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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