We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
