i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
