Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
