She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
