who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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