I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
sex in a hospital.. check
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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