R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I have post one night stand depression
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
