Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
