We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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