So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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