life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
