Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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