Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
