Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
