i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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