Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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