i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
