Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
