College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
