You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
