With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
