Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
