I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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