My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
