ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The uberlube is also flammable
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
