I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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