if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
