I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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