The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
