New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
