It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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