I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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