She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
As shirtless as possible
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
