How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
