he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
