I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
