So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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