a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
