from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
